I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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