I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
