Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
