Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
