Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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