I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
