if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's never too late to be topless.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
