So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
