Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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