So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
