I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
