I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize