girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
