Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
