we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
