It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You made out with two different species that night
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
