I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
