FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
