So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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