how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
