I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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