She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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