so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
