Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
