you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
