Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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