Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
