Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
