Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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