yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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