so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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