just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
