Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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