You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
