grandma shit on top of the toilet
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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