I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
