he puts the penis in happiness.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
