On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
