I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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