I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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