I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse