Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants