Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go