She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
