I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS