Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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