obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
