She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
