eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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