Michael Bay diarrhea
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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