your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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