did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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