So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
