I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
