Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
