When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
