Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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