I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
