i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
