you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
