NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
