She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
