I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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