I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
