Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
