i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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