I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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