Tell her she can't have a vagina
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
two words...techno handjob
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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