Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
