I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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