I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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