I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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