You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
