Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
