Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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