I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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