I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
