if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
