for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
