so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
