Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
